Have you ever had one of those birthdays that took you completely by surprise?
Obviously HAVING the birthday wasn’t a surprise (at least, I
hope not), but instead, your reaction to it?
There are certain ‘milestone’ birthdays in our lives that
tend to be a big deal.
Turning 5 signals the opportunity to attend Kindergarten and
be a ‘big kid’.
Turning 13 means you’re finally a teenager.
Turning 16 brings the ability to drive.
Turning 21 allows you to legally consume alcohol.
Beyond that, well, let’s just say there isn’t much to
specifically look forward to.
Several years ago I had a birthday that threw me for a loop. I went to bed the night before my birthday, and woke up the next day nine years older.
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I was in graduate school at the time and one of our required
courses was on research methods. It
involved learning proper ways to obtain data through various methods, including
surveys, and then interpreting that data.
When working with large amounts of data you need ways to break it down
into more manageable groups and age bracketing is often used. This was extra applicable to my field of
study, which was gerontology, or the study of aging.
I enjoyed the class until it completely derailed my
birthday.
Age bracketing is most commonly done in increments of ten years (e.g.
25-34, 35-44, 45-54…..) and this is where the problem arises. I went to bed that night, age 44, and woke up
the next morning age 45. This by itself
is not a problem. But due to my studies,
what had happened is that I went to bed being grouped with 35-year-olds and
woke up suddenly being grouped with 54-year-olds.
Although it can be used just to make smaller groups of data,
the underlying premise is that age bracketing also creates ‘similar’
groups. So, in other words, I went to
bed having more in common with a 35-year-old and woke up with more in common
with a 54-year-old. In essence, I aged
nine years. Not cool.
I didn’t feel different.
I didn’t feel older.
(Some mornings I do, but that’s another story).
At that moment in middle-age I was not ready to accept that
I was I was entering my ‘Pre-AARP’ phase of life. I handled it like any rational, mature adult
would.
I stopped taking surveys.
Okay, not really. But
seriously, how could this happen overnight?
After I got over my initial shock and offense at the whole
situation, I began to see it in a different light. I’ve been preparing for these situations my
entire life.
In elementary school when I was labeled ‘gifted’ it meant
that I had to spend part of my school day with students in older grades instead
of my similar age classmates. Frequently
when I was growing up my friends were older than I was, and that continued into
my adult life as well.
And if we’re being honest, we spend most of our youth
wishing we were older. We see younger
siblings always wanting to have the privileges their older siblings have. With my sister being 14 years older I had
very little room to argue for the same privileges she had, but it still gave me
something to look forward to. Getting
older was eagerly anticipated and desired.
Somewhere along the way that changes.
At some point in adulthood getting older is no longer
eagerly anticipated but just a fact of life.
But there’s comfort in that too.
In a time where many like to focus on what divides us, aging is the
great equalizer. Tomorrow we will all
wake up one day older.
Once I thought about it, I realized that I did have more in
common with 54-year-olds, but honestly, that was probably true the year before
as well. I took solace in the realization
that the 54-year-olds were probably glad to be grouped with ME.
As I enjoy my last year in my 40’s, I am well aware that I
have a ‘milestone’ birthday next year.
But it won’t be a big deal because I’ll be happily remaining in my
current age bracket. ‘Forty and Fabulous’
will simply transition to ‘Fifty and Fabulous’.
And that happiness is the real birthday surprise.
