The search is underway.
It’s not for a missing sock from the laundry (although I have one of
those too). It’s the search to find the
right college for Elisabeth.
“You’re looking ALREADY?”
That’s the usual response we get. My reply?
“You’re NOT?”
I mean, we’re talking about an incredibly expensive,
four-year, setting-the-path-for-the-rest-of-your-life decision. Why would I leave that until the last minute?
We started having Elisabeth look at campuses when she was in
middle school and we were on vacation.
We weren’t taking “official” campus visits, but we started the process
of looking at different campuses, talking about those differences and helping
guide the discussion so that you can narrow down the choices for the actual
“official” visits. (I should explain
that our girls have been raised with the understanding that “you will attend
college but you can pick which one and what you study”) Now we’re past that and
we’re on the “official” visits. Through
this process, I’m the one getting the education and here’s what I’m learning:
1. We didn’t start
looking too early. Admissions staff are
never surprised that we’re already looking.
Having not been through this as a parent before, there’s a lot of
information that is critical to successfully navigating this process and the
sooner you have this information the better.
For example, if a school has an early admission deadline of November 1st,
you don’t want to be waiting until Fall Break of your Senior year to be making
campus visits---you’re too late. Oh, and
by the way, “early admission” deadlines are different than “early decision”
deadlines. There is a CRITICAL
distinction between the two. Know the
difference before you submit anything! “Junior
Day” at most campuses is in April so if you haven’t been visiting any campuses,
you won’t know which “Junior Days” you want to attend.
Also, if you’re going to need letters of
recommendation from your teachers (and you are) those letters are better if
they come from teachers you have built a relationship with during high school,
not a teacher that you had for one semester.
If you don’t find this out until your junior year, you’re too late to
start building these relationships.
(Editor’s Note: one college told
us that they also require that these letters come from teachers in “core”
classes. This means that if your
orchestra teacher or football coach loves you, that’s great, but they can’t
write your recommendation letters for you---they want letters from the teachers
of the classes you HAVE to take, not WANT to take).
2. Looking early means
you know what the college of your choice is looking for, which means that you
can work to make yourself their “ideal” applicant. (This goes with item #1). Some colleges have very specific entrance
requirements; others, not so much. If
your college of choice doesn’t care if you take the ACT or the SAT, then take
both and send them your best score. Some
will even take give you the best aggregate score if you take the test multiple
times, others require your most recent test.
There are a number of online applications: the universal, the common,
and the coalition. The point here is
that a LOT has changed since I was applying for college. If you have any hope as a parent of helping
your child navigate this, you need to educate yourself first.
3. Official campus
visits provide verification that high school physical education is
important. Walking around campuses is
EXHAUSTING! Then you realize that your
child will be expected to do this daily, while weighed down with a backpack
that, in Elisabeth’s case, might nearly equal their weight. It makes the goal of 10,000 daily steps that
my Fitbit suggests look like a joke.
 |
| This is a low number compared to a campus visit day! |
4. The Student to Faculty
ratio is important. This is not because
it will indicate the quality of education that your child will receive, but
because it is an important indicator of how much it will COST. If a school emphasizes their excellent student
to faculty ratio, odds are, they are EXPENSIVE.
Which leads me to the next
item…..
5. Colleges don’t like
to talk about how much it costs. Instead
they like to emphasize the various scholarships, grants, financial aid and
other payment options that are available.
We have long joked with Elisabeth that she can attend any university
that offers her a full-ride scholarship----but we’re only half joking. Thankfully we’re not living paycheck to
paycheck which means that any “need-based” scholarships are not an option for
Elisabeth. So, while colleges may not be
able to tell us exactly what it’s going to cost, they can give us an idea of
how many merit-based scholarships are available. When you’re looking at colleges that range
from $28,000-$45,000 per year, this makes a big difference. It won’t necessarily be the deciding factor,
but it’s better not to have any surprises in this area. You’ll get to learn all kinds of new acronyms
like “EFC” which stands for “Expected Financial Contribution” which is really
another way of saying “This is the amount you will need to use to recalculate
what year you’ll be able to retire.”
6. Colleges do like to
talk about how many clubs/organizations they have. In fact, they like to talk about this A
LOT. Like, mind-numbing, please-stop-talking,
A LOT! There’s the typical clubs that
you would expect (including fraternities/sororities), all the way to the
unusual/odd clubs like the “Zombie Readiness Task Force.” (Hint: when the clubs are the only reason
your child is interested in a school, it’s time to take that school off the
list!) We’ve been on campus visits where
there was more emphasis on the vast array of clubs/organizations than on the
actual academics. The main problem here
is that if you will refer to item #5, $45,000 is a lot to pay for your kid to
be in clubs. Don’t get me wrong. I want Elisabeth to have a blast in college,
but ultimately I want her to come out of it with a valuable degree.
7. Mom is always
right. Just kidding here, but we’re
finding some truth to this in our search.
No one knows your child better than you do. I have added some schools to the list of
visits that made Elisabeth cringe. There
were other schools she was dying to visit and I thought it would be a waste of
time. The result? After the official campus visits, a school I
added is one of her leading contenders while one of the schools that was
originally one of her leading contenders is no longer even under consideration. When
I was looking at preschools for her we ended up on a tour and she was so
comfortable she forgot I was there and didn’t want to leave at the end of the
tour. Can you guess what preschool she
went to? Trust your child to make the
right choice but don’t hesitate to steer the process.
8. Getting the best
“deal” for college is like buying a car.
Elisabeth has been advised by her school counselor to pursue
opportunities at schools that she isn’t actually interested in. Sounds contradictory, right? Here’s the “deal”….. If a “good” school is
interested in you, but you want to go elsewhere, you can use that as leverage
to get a better offer from the school you actually want to attend. Now I detest buying cars so I do not enjoy
this part of the process, but I’m willing to go through it for the potential
payoff/benefit. I have 1 ½ years to
master negotiating/haggling/strategizing.
I’ll be glad when it’s over.
9. Going away to
college is a good thing. I’m excited for
the possibilities that exist for Elisabeth.
People are amazed that I’m not trying to keep her in Nebraska and close
to home. The truth is, I see a lot of
benefit to moving away from home. Will I
miss her? Absolutely. Will it be hard to let her move away?
Undoubtedly. Would I trap her here in
Nebraska for my own comfort? Never. The
18+ years we spend with our children is preparing them to leave the nest. If she doesn’t have her wings to leave the
nest at that point, then I have not done my job as a parent. If you love something, set it free. If it’s a college student and it loves you,
it will come home to visit. (And will
probably bring laundry). My father-in-law
jokes that when your kids ask what they should call you when they’re adults,
the correct response is “long distance.”
Based on the interest Elisabeth is showing in study-abroad
opportunities, she may be calling VERY long distance!!
10. Study abroad
opportunities are apparently a critical component to any college experience. I have yet to visit a campus with Elisabeth
and NOT hear about endless study abroad opportunities. Some schools even REQUIRE it. I’m all for exposing her to different
cultures (she is in the International Baccalaureate Programme for goodness
sake) but we’re spending all this time and effort to find her a school so that
she can……study somewhere else? Is it
really studying somewhere else or is it taking the fun of the “Zombie Readiness
Task Force” on the road to some exotic location? I’m still a bit skeptical on this one. I’ve also noticed that no school has yet
offered any information on how much study abroad opportunities cost (refer back
to item #5), but I don’t need a master’s degree to figure out it’s not included
in the printed tuition estimate and probably won’t be cheap.
11. Campuses are
extremely proud of their blue safety lights.
Every single tour guide has proudly pointed them out to us. I haven’t had the heart to tell them that
they had those blue lights back in the Dark Ages when I was in college. One tour guide at least told us that she only
knew of them being used twice, and one of those times was by her, during a
campus tour, to notify campus security that a garbage can was on fire. I appreciate her honesty and believe that she
beautifully illustrated the limited value of these blue lights. I’m willing to go out on a limb here and say
that common sense will do more to protect your college student than those blue
lights ever will. Save the blue lights
for K-Mart specials.
12. When packing for
college you only need to provide your college student with an ample supply of
jeans and pants; T-shirts are apparently
supplied in ridiculous quantities upon arrival.
At least that’s the way it seems from the tour information. Tour guides have told us about all the
different ways you’ll get collegiate t-shirts.
One school even provided Elisabeth with two t-shirts just on the day of
her tour. Is this somehow supposed to
make the tuition rate more bearable?
Maybe if we go on enough tours I’ll be able to open a t-shirt store and
make enough to pay for tuition. Or maybe
not.
So right now I’m the one getting the education, and that’s
what I’ve learned so far. And I’m sure I
have a lot more to learn.
I’m not trying to rush her out the door. No one is packing any boxes. But when we do we’ll know to load them up
with jeans.
In the meantime, the search continues.
No blue light required.
